I've got my back to the wall,
Keep going back to what started it all,
Living with the fear that something small,
Could once again trigger my fall.
I've lost blood, lost love,
Lost flesh, the wounds are fresh.
The memory is the enemy,
Wrapping itself around me,
Slithering quietly and deceptively,
Too gradually for me to see.
Wounds hurt as if they were made yesterday,
It wasn't my fault, yet I'm the one to pay.
The mild bursts of pain there to remind me
of all the flaws I've gathered in this lifelong sea.
Was born a clean slate, an innocent,
Was molded by hate, anger and providence,
By fate grew up into a lack of confidence,
Negative space, that's all I've got within.
I know it's all just chemicals in my brain,
I'm doing all I can do to refrain
myself from being crippled at their behest,
But it's not enough, it's not my best.
But sadly when I'm the only one,
Who would fight by me, who wouldn't run,
It's easier said than done, to face the tide,
To stop it from washing me aside.